for my 19th, i wished to be a boy for 1day.
no maybe a week. i wanna see a guy's point of view.

that 1week, being a guy, i would
not be wasting time putting on makeup, moisturizer, hairspray & perfume that's all.
ride a bicycle here & there,
not shave frequently,
etc.

the main thing is just to know what a guy would be thinking about.
for me, i'd never thought of being in a relationship with a guy. since i was like sec 1, my 'bf 'was always some good looking idols from drama or band.
tho i may not receive back their love, i didnt suffer any heartbreaks or any bs.

im turning 19 very very soon, & im proud to be single for goddamn 19years.
ive never shared to anyone how much i dont really like boys. specifically malay boys.
my past life has made me feel the hatred towards malays.
i dont seem to have any connection with them. be it younger,older,related or non-related malays.

"Ist me or ist them?"

ive qns myself whenever this kinda thingy happens. cos it has been bothering me but not to the extend that i wanna kill myself. being with my girls wont make me think about this can.

like when i was maybe 13/14 years old, i went to skate myself outside near our family's chalet. then when i was about to go back in, i fell to my butt from a goddamn mini slope which i so thought i could skate down. painful like mad but i got up myself even though 2 malays walked pass me.
i was transparent maybe )':

cos even everywhere be it school or outside when i see a malay guy 'friend' (urgghhh) i wont be acknowledged or talked to. sometimes a hi or smile couldnt be exchanged.
i think im transparent ]':

then even my cousin.my goddamn cousin wouldnt like T-A-L-K to me when we took the same train to school.
i am really transparent D':

i shouldnt give a shit but i dont like this kinda thingy. i no i may not be pretty or girly or sweet or cute (urrgggggghhh) but i just find it injustice. they're maybe good looking & only talk to pretty girls. then like that i'd rather talk to an average joe or a nerd who would at least say hi & talk for a while whenever we meet in school or outside. that i consider as my guy friend.
yes, just having a guy friend will do. im not despo & i dont think this post sounds despo. im just stating my point of view & experiences i had.


i dont know what else to rant but yea i still havent bathe. but i smell gucci ok.damn nice~ but i still want issey miyake's